When there is a death at home and you are living abroad

It’s something most expats don’t even consider when planning to move abroad and hopefully for most it doesn’t occur. However if you end up living abroad for an extended amount of time you have to be ready as it may just happen.

For me it’s happened twice. Both sudden. Both dearly loved family members. Both heartbreakingly sad.

Being on the other side of the world has this strange way of making you feel like time stands still at home. You know it doesn’t but you experience this odd disconnect with the daily life of home that sadly you are just not a part of now. So when a situation like this occurs it almost doesn’t feel real. It’s like a bad dream. One that you can’t wake up from.

Both times I got the phone call whilst at work surrounded by people in my new life that didn’t know my family, didn’t know my relationships with those dear to me, that I didn’t feel I could talk to about what had happened at home. In that moment you already feel alone but feeling alone in your grief on the other side of the world is a whole different kettle of fish. Thankfully I have an amazing partner and the very best friends and family both here and at home that I could lean on. But I couldn’t imagine if I was somewhere where I didn’t have that.

The decision to go home for me was always an easy one. I wanted to be with my family. I wanted to support them and wanted to say my own goodbyes. I was lucky enough to have a manager who understood this and gave me the time off, I had my emergency fund for a flight home and a family who knew however much they told me not to come that I wouldn’t listen. One thing I would say is to not just go home for the funeral try and stay longer as this is when people need it the most and when you need it. Once the dust of the funeral settles and everyone starts going back to normal life is actually when your family most need the support.

It’s hard posting about a topic like this as it’s so deeply personal and everyone deals with grief in different ways. That said it’s a fact of expat life and if this helps someone in a similar situation then it was worth it. If you are reading this while in this unfortunate situation then here are a few things to remember ..

Its ok if you can’t make it home to say goodbye or for the funeral.

Your first reaction is always going to be to get straight to the airport to get home.  But what if you can’t get the time off work as you’ll likely need a week or two to get back home. What if you can’t afford it? What if the funeral is straight away and you’ve not got the time to get back. These are all very real situations and as much as you desperately want to be there you might just not be able to. And that sucks and as much as it will hurt remember it is ok if you can’t make it back. Your family will understand and to be honest they will likely tell you not to come back (numerous times!). If you can’t get back then make peace with the decision and don’t be too hard on yourself. Trying to get back at a later stage will mean just as much as if you flew out straight away.

The world isn’t that big

It’s really not. It will feel massive and the distance between you and home will feel like it will take an eternity to get back. For most places, it will take no more than 2 days to get back. If you are able to get home then you’ve got flights ahead of you which will be the hardest flights you’ll ever have to take. All these people around you excited about their holidays and your in a weird limbo of being happy that you will soon be with the family and sad that you didn’t want to go home in these situations. The time on the plane will give you the chance to reflect and reminisce and once you’ll step off it will feel like it took no time at all getting back.

To think about having an emergency fund

I’ve always tried to make sure I always have enough money in my account just in case I need to go home. It’s worth it sometimes just putting a little extra away each month so if the time comes when you need to decide if you’re going home that you can afford it.

To rely on your network both here and at home

Talk, reminisce, cry, shout, laugh, sob, whatever you do just make sure you get it out. You have family and friends that love you and that want to help you through this sad time. If you are abroad and haven’t yet made your network then call home. We are fortunate enough to live in an era where you can facetime/skype/call over the internet without the extortionate prices. Speaking to friends and family will be the comfort blanket you need at this time.

That the pain will be intensified but it will subside

When you first get the phone call. It breaks you. It’s a hard enough to have the phone call when you are in the same country but when abroad it’s intensified tenfold. You just have to ride through it and know it’s all part of the grief process. Just trust me the pain subsides. Eventually.

That time heals

It’s the oldest cliche in the book but it’s true. Whoever has passed would not want you giving up on the experiences you initially set out to have. So try to not let the sadness take over. Every day will get easier and just by moving forward every day and by taking in every new experience will help. Enjoy it for them as much as you need to enjoy it for yourself. Make the most of your life and just be thankful that they encouraged you to travel, inspired you to look for the best in life and that they helped make you the person you are today.

At the end of the day, you need to follow your heart, enjoy your memories and be there for those you love. Death is a part of life and there isn’t anything we can do to stop it whether we are back in our home countries or in our new countries. If you have any other advice to impart or want to share your story please do leave a comment below.

To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.

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Queenie, Murwillumbah – An Airbnb Gem

If you find yourself in Northern NSW and in need of a funky place to stay then I have just the place… Welcome to Queenie.

Queenie is located in the lovely town of Murwillumbah in Northern NSW. Surrounded by sugar cane fields, tropical hinterland and the majestic Mt Warning watching over the town.  It’s close to Byron Bay, Tweed Heads and the Gold Coast and is sat on the banks of the Tweed river so it’s in pretty fabulous company and some of the best landscapes Australia has to offer. It’s always been a key place in my life as my grandparents have lived there for most of my life and my grandfather was born and grew up there. Many holidays and breaks from Uni were spent with family exploring the hinterland, swimming in the Murbah pool, exploring the coastal towns nearby, taking a million photos of Mt Warning and just sitting outside drinking tea and taking in the tropical surroundings.

On a recent visit to Murwillumbah, my family and I discovered the retro paradise Queenie. First, off I was quite surprised there were any Airbnb’s in Murwillumbah (i have since found out there is several) and secondly, I was in awe that it wasn’t just your standard house (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but…  Queenie was bursting with character, it was just like stepping into the pages of an interior design magazine.

The attention to detail, the charm, the style, the colours, the beds. OMG, the beds.  It is hands down one of the best Airbnb I’ve ever stayed in. As a vintage lover, this place was what my dreams are made of and ‘house’ Pinterest board is full of. Light muted tones, tropical vibes, hand picked vintage furniture, art deco styling that all just went so well together and was totally #housegoals.

The beds were like sleeping on a cloud. My jetlagged self just melted between the Tommy Bahamas sheets. There is room for four guests with two bedrooms- one king and one queen. There is a bright open kitchen/diner area with a super cute little retro bar. If you do want to watch a film or Tv there is a small entertainment room with a million DVDs to choose from. If you want to eat your breakfast listening to the birds there is a lovely outside area to sit and take in the sounds…

To get into the town there is a very short walk to the main street which is full of cafes, eateries, boutique and antique shops. There is a pool with waterslide, lots of brilliant walks, the Wollumbin National Park is only a short drive away. I haven’t been myself but I’ve been told the Margaret Olley Exhibition and Tweed Regional Art gallery are well worth a visit. Byron Bay and the Gold Coast are also within a short driving distance. I can thoroughly recommend having fish and chips in Kingscliff and visiting Point Danger where you can stand with one foot in NSW and one in QLD (obviously doesn’t take much to entertain me). Green Point, Currumbin and Kirra are also within a short drive. You won’t run out of things to do and places to explore.  Also If you are a fan of I’m a celebrity get me out of here then its filmed in Murwillumbah as well so you may even catch a glimpse of Ant and Dec!

The only downside for Queenie (and I’m clutching at straws for a downside!) would be there is no wifi which isn’t really that big of a deal but as I was travelling with an international sim card I wanted to the internet without the data roaming charges so wifi would have been a bonus. Thankfully a lot of cafes in town had free wifi.

We loved our stay at Queenie and if you want to explore this beautiful house and area then I thoroughly suggest jumping on Airbnb and booking them up. To see more reviews or to book check out their Facebook and Airbnb pages below. Trust me you won’t regret it!

Facebook

Airbnb

This was not a sponsored stay and this post includes all of our own opinions.

Do check out their reviews on Airbnb and you’ll see it’s not just that are big fans.

Do you have any amazing Airbnb’s that you’ve stayed at? If so share below in the comments.

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Kick Arse Women Bloggers to Check out on International Womens Day

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Here’s to strong women, may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them

In honour of it being International Women’s Day, I thought the best way to celebrate is too big up some badass women bloggers and spread the love. I’m very fortunate that I have been raised in a family of amazingly strong women, work with fabulously driven women and am surrounded by the very best female friends that know what they want and how to get it. I’m always trying to make sure I help fight the good fight for women to have a voice and feel strong enough to use it. Women are just incredible and the changes that are being made now and the empowering movement that is growing in momentum is only going to leave behind an even better life for the future generations. Just like those generations before us did for us. Just think one day soon women won’t even have to fight for equality and the more we do now the quicker that day will come.

All of these women bloggers below (and so many more) have inspired me, helped shape my blog, pushed me to better my photography and writing, set the standard high, made me snort with laughter and well up with teary eyes with their posts, made me feel not so alone in the world (both the blogging world and the real life). Shown me different corners of the world to explore and where not to go. They have liked and shared my blogs, proofread my posts, let me interview them. Two have even helped raise and love me since I was a little bubba and one wonder woman even birthed me.

The bloggers I’ve listed below are from all corners of the globe, all ages, all different lives and all niches as I believe we find our best selves if we push outside of the comfort level, broaden our minds and hear situations around from a different perspective, read blogs we wouldn’t normally, go places we wouldn’t normally go and even try on that style of dress that you don’t think suits your shape.  If you only involve yourself in what you’re interested in normally reading or blogging about then you are missing out on some great stories, empowering posts and inspiration from others.

Women are  amazing and we are even better when we have other females behind us cheering us on so here I am standing on a golden beach cheering on these fabulous ladies and their  sites…. Go check them out and give them some Women Love

The wandering darlings

Debs World

Musings from the cold

Bright Lights of America

Gin & Lemonade

GlobAl Housesitter X2

Suzie Speaks

Fatty McCupcakes

A Walk and a Lark

A Brummie home and abroad

Digital Travel Guru

A mindful traveler

Sarah plus Laura

Seeking the Spanish Sun

Nomad by Trade

Just another blog from a woman

If you like these blogs (or any other amazing blogs that I’ve missed) then you should leave them a comment, share with your girl tribe, promote on scoial media and also consider giving them some blogger recognitioon love and nominate them in the Bloggers Bash Annual Awards. Details and nomination form here is here

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Photo Diary – Cheddar in the Snow

The Beast from the East and Storm Emma took the UK back to a cold and chilly winter last week. Almost the whole country braced freezing winds, temperatures that barely broke zero degrees and a thick and lovely blanket of snow.

I’ve experienced a few snow storms whilst living here but this was one of the worst and…. prettiest. Schools and office closed their doors, panic buying ensued, sledging became a local sport, communities banded together to help one another, people were stuck in trains, cars and buses, everyone checked the weather apps over 100 times a day and the country ground to a halt. It was an interesting week and not one we were all expecting as the daffodils had started waking up and spring was supposedly just around the corner.

For some, the snow was a cause for chaos and for others, it was an excuse to not put away the bobble hats and winter coats and have one last wintery hurrah before the temperatures start rising.

The snowy scenes were just too picturesque to miss so I took my trusty camera and headed out and tried to capture the village of Cheddar in all its winter glory.

Cheddar, Somerset is in the South West of the UK and known for its cheese, Gorge and caves. It’s pretty little place even without the snow and is well frequented by adventurers hiking, cycling, climbing and cavers as well as those in search of a country retreat of cute accommodations and welcoming pubs. It’s a beautiful place to visit any time of year.

Welcome to our first photo diary of Cheddar in the snow

For more pictures of our adventures follow us on Facebook and Instagram with links below

Www.facebook.com/thewanderingdarlings

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